Feburary 8, 2009: Purgatory Cafe
I wrote this for drama. I need to memorize my lines too... dang...
Setting: Café in the after life.
Malcolm/Death: death who doubles as a waiter in “Purgatory Café” when not reaping souls. He is specifically Death by Eggplant. Wears an apron.
Billy/Billyman: A lame superhero. Wears a towel cape.
Buffy: High School student.
“Echo”: Not even Malcolm knows her real name. Journalist.
Billy Buffy and Echo sit around a table. Mal enters holding a notepad.
Mal: Hello, and welcome to Purgatory Café, I’ll be waiter. My name is Death by Eggplant, but please call me Mal. Can I get you anything? Mocha, pastry… more mocha.
Buffy: What types of pastry do you have?
Mal: Trust me; you do not want any of the pastries.
Billy: Why not?
Mal: Let’s just say they’ve been there since the beginning of eternity. Can I get you drink?
Echo: Where are we?
Mal: Why, you are in the afterlife. You all died due to eggplants. So any orders?
Billy: Can I get a cappuccino.
Mal: Nope.
Buffy: herbal tea?
Mal: Nope
Echo: What can we get?
Mal: Either black coffee, hot chocolate, or a mocha.
Buffy: Hot chocolate.
Echo: Coffee.
Billy: Mocha, extra cacao, please.
Mal exits.
Echo: Well, since we’re dead, let’s get to know each other. I’m Echo, I’m a journalist for the San Francisco Times, and I last thing I remember is a metal crate falling on me as I was leaving the office.
Billy: I’m no one.
Echo: Then what’s with the towel?
Billy: Okay, okay! Stop pressing me! I admit it, I’m Billyman, San Francisco’s Super guardian. I was doing battle with my arch nemesis, Dr. Nuisance, when he forced fed me my one weakness! The terrible, purple vegetable: the EGGPLANT! I tried to take his crate of them to the bay, but I lost powers faster than I anticipated, and fell to my death, along with the crate.
Buffy: I’m Buffy, I’m a student. I was walking down the street when I slipped on eggplant mush and hit my head hard.
Mal enters with the drinks and passes them out.
Echo: So, Mister Death, may I call you death?
Mal: I’d rather be called Mal.
Echo: Alright. So, Mal, don’t we get to play chess or something for the chance to keep living.
Mal: Well, actually we stop doing that since world war two.
Buffy: So has no one gotten out of death since?
Mal; Well, one man did, just last year. Pretty clever, too.
Billy: How did he escape?
Mal: oh, he just crawled through that air vent over there. Points off stage.
Buffy, Billy and Echo look at each other, then bolt off stage. Mal realizes that they’ve escaped sits down and shakes his head.
Mal: Well, there goes my bonus.